“We were Cranberry fans who only dated Nirvana fans,
We made out to “Linger” and “Smells like Teen Spirit. . ."
Born a Gen X, and admittedly stubborn, I’ve always been a rebel and always fighting some norm or standard of society.
It was a dangerous time to be a teenager back in the 90’s. One could get into street fights just by staring at each other.
But now that I’m older, calmer and happier, I smile at all the mischief I got into, and laugh at the ideologies I felt so strongly about before, so much nonsense. . .
So, in a sit-down, one-on-one with the rebellious younger version of myself, I give these 7 pieces of advice.
1. Don’t get a job…
. . . unless you enjoy asking someone’s permission to have lunch, pee and use the restroom,
. . . unless you enjoy having someone tell you when you can take 10 days off in the year to have a vacation.
Instead, develop an entrepreneurial mindset and work for yourself.
Getting paid a fixed salary every month can give you a false sense of security, that as long as you are able to sit down obediently behind a desk and do the same thing expertly over and over everyday, from 9am to 5pm, you will surely get paid the same amount everyday.
Your days will be defined by dates called “15th and 30th”, and the Christmas bonus will be the highlight of your year.
For some reason, when there is a cap on your earnings and you’re constantly trying to make ends meet, there is unexplainable joy in suddenly having the ability to buy things, even if we don’t need them, at least once a year.
Then, of course, you will want to earn more and start wanting to climb the corporate ladder, spend 60 years of your life chasing, competing and making sure you are better than the rest of the thousand employees in the company who perform the same task that you do.
The thing about getting a job is that, you start getting a fixed income and start spending in a fixed way every month. And once your expenses are fixed, you also become glued to your job and will find it hard to leave.
You will become a cog in the machine, losing your ability for creative thinking and spending all your energy on performing tasks so the company can achieve its goals.
This is the first thing that I want to advise my 20 year old self. . .
Don’t get a job!
2. It's ok not to get good grades.
To my younger self, I want to say that you are not a droid, so it’s ok not to get good grades in school. A passing mark is sufficient.
Don’t skip school altogether because this is where you get to meet and interact with people. Social skills and networking are an important part of success which you will later come to appreciate.
Until recently, I used to think like everyone else, getting good grades and getting a good education was the secret to a successful life.
Years later, I would come to meet people who are earning 6 figures a month, working 4 hours a day and have not been to college at all.
Getting educated in schools and “learning” are not the same thing.
I love learning and actually make it a point to learn something new every day.
But getting boxed and measured in exactly the same way as everyone else is for droids and not for living, breathing beings.
The grading system is meant to label people as being fit or unfit for a particular type of role. It is a measuring system that demands students to conform.
But people are unique and special, and one size does not fit all.
As Warren Buffet would say, “Some people are going to get a lot out of advanced education and some people are going to get very little. I don't even think it's important that every person goes to college at all.”
3. Be patient with your parents, they only mean well.
Most parents, if not all, only want the best for their children.
It sounds weird that I’m finally able to say this because I used to do the opposite of everything that my parents asked me just to spite them.
I was so accustomed to hating being told what to do that it became an automatic thing for me to rebel against them, just for the sake of being disobedient.
I have no regrets. I did what I thought was right for me.
But, in retrospect, my parents deserved more understanding and respect than what I was willing to give.
There are different styles of parenting, some authoritarian, others more lenient. But, at the heart of it all, parents want to see their children succeed, have a comfortable life, become responsible and generally have a better life than they did.
It is a hard pill to swallow, but you must be patient with people who genuinely love and care for you.
This is a lesson I want to impart to my younger, rebellious self.
4. Be patient with unsolicited advice. Some of them are actually useful.
Much like the psychology behind buying decisions, people love to buy but hate being sold to.
Unsolicited advice is just like that. They will seem annoying at first, but they can make more sense and even change your life if you give it a chance.
Unsolicited advice can be like a new idea, a new perspective that you never thought to explore. People with more experience tend to have a broader perspective on things and their advice can add to the things you already know.
If the advice comes from a person with more expertise than you, then his advice can help you make more informed decisions.
I used to hate being told to set goals yet now, all I can think about is the goal I have set for a particular day, month or year. Setting goals has become like a compass for me and I feel useless unless I wake up with a purpose.
5. Have the courage to be disliked.
“The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice; it is conformity”.
- Rollo May
People and society have opinions about what an acceptable life should
look like.
They will talk and they will give unsolicited advice, and you should be ok
with this.
At some point, we will also find ourselves the source of unsolicited advice and opinions.
It is human nature, so don’t be trapped into thinking everyone is wrong
about wanting you to conform or behave in a certain way.
If anything, the valuable lesson I want to impart to my younger self is this-people like to think in herds because there is some form of security in belonging to a group. But, it is not your job to please any segment of society.
Your job is to stay true to yourself while being harmonious.
So, having the courage to be disliked can also be translated as, having the courage to follow your own heart. It is also translated to mean, just allow other people to think the way they do.
Most successful people in history have become so by having a clear perception of who they are, a clear vision of where they want to go and the confidence in their abilities to get there.
So, stop seeking the approval of people and you will be free.
6. Clothes and shoes are not everything.
There was a time in my life when all that mattered were clothes and shoes. Most of my hard earned money was spent on things to wear and make the outside appearance look bright and shiny.
Now, clothes and shoes in themselves are not evil. They have a purpose and for as long as we know what they are for, there is no harm in spending on them.
However my fascination with clothes and shoes came to a point that it became an addiction and I was neglecting my finances for the thrill of buying the next new thing.
Relying on clothes too much to feel confident may be a sign of a bigger underlying problem of insecurity.
We all wear different versions of armors to hide whatever we don’t want people to see. And, the more fragile someone is on the inside, the harder and the flashier the outside shell needs to be.
Instead of hiding beneath clothes, we can choose to be brave and let the world see us for who we really are.
7. Choose your friends.
This is a big one for me because not until recently, I have always been protective of my choice of friends.
But your environment plays a major role in shaping who you are, your way of thinking and your decision-making patterns.
Believe it or not, but you are the reflection of the people who you are close with. Think about it. We all pick up aspects of other people's personality who we find appealing and try to shape ourselves into being more like them.
Being part of a group or clique was a big deal back in the days and these cliques are usually exclusive.
As part of a clique, we often think as one entity and make decisions as a collective whole. So naturally, you can only be part of a clique whose beliefs you also share.
I want to tell my younger self that you don’t need to be part of a group to feel whole. And this advice rings true for whatever stage of life you’re in.
The people we choose to hang out with ultimately influence our actions and therefore our future. So it's better to have less but quality and trustworthy friends who will have your back in hard times than a huge crowd who doesn't truly care about you.
Conclusion:
Some of these things will possibly cause some conflict with family and friends in your life and they may judge you harshly for your decisions.
But it’s your life to live, not anyone else’s and you only have one shot at it!
As mentioned above, I offer this advice to my younger self, but also sharing it publicly, to give some perspective to alternative ways of living and approaching this wild time of life called your youth.
There is no clear cut path for any of us. You have to make your own and know that regardless of how you do it you’ll make mistakes, learn, grow, and keep moving forward with what you want from life.
I have all of the faith in the world in you!
All the best,
Aileen
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